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HOW TO COMMAND, INFLUENCE AND CONTROL PEOPLE
The Styles and Methods of Power
Power is the ability to get things done - your way. Sometimes
it's a direct order that you give, sometimes a suggestion youmake, or a request or the asking of a favor; but the result (ifyou have power) is always that the other person acts and you
derive a benefit from the other person's actions.
Once can have power in many different ways. You have it over
your employees because you pay their salaries. If you are anexpert in a special field, it's because you know the best way tohandle matters. In a legal dispute it's because you have the
law on your side. If you have credit cards, it can be part ofyour lifestyle to go into a store, hotel, or restaurant, in anycity, and order whatever you wish. In politics it's because
folks will give you their votes, hoping that you'll work andsucceed in getting the government to serve them in their area.
And there's the power that derives from being talented, charmingand capable; of being up-to-the minute and knowledgeable, sopeople know if they let you handle things for them or listen to
your advice, they'll come out ahead.
One more aspect of power. This concerns competition. If all
the world were fair and equal, one would have no need for theupper hand, for the advantage, for power. But of course theworld isn't. Which often means that in a competitive situation
you cannot merely settle for an equal chance. You must keepyour eyes and ears, and indeed all you faculties, open for any
clue or other tips that will move the balance in your favor.
Whenever possible, make sure you get more than an equal chance.
You Have to Look the Part
People are impressed by how a man looks. They are often not
aware of exactly why they treat one man like a VIP and anothergets the bum's rush. Their reactions may be subliminal, belowtheir conscious awareness. But take it from me, if you're well
dressed, neatly groomed, hair trimmed, etc., and are driving asnazzy car, you'll be well received; while a guy who's wearing
sloppy clothes, unshaven and unclean, and who's driving an oldheap, will hardly get any attention at all. Look as good as youcan; and back it up in other ways.
Add the other elements of the power image too. Clothing - it'sworth investing some money to be well dressed. Buy suits on time
payments if you can (a credit card is very useful for this).
That way the clothes are helping to get power, and therefore
money, for you while you are paying for them. Don't forget
about the car you drive around in; if the one you have is notimpressive then rent one that is. Rental cars don't cost thatmuch and driving a good one pays dividends in the power sphere.
Try to join clubs and organization (business, social, political)that have important and influential members. If at first you
can't become a member, then maneuver a member into taking youas his guest.
Money and power beget money and power, the more they thing youhave, the more you'll get.
We must repeat that, for most people, those who belong to thepower elite are those that appear to belong to it. Unlessrecognized personally, a millionaire will be turned away from a
class restaurant if he's not well-dressed.
You Have to Consciously Act the Part of One Who is Used to Beingin Command
There's another extremely important factor in appearing toalready have money and power beyond what I mentioned above andthat is your own manner of doing things. You must move, speak
and act power. Have you ever met the grandson of a man whoamassed a fortune and wondered how a grandfather who did so muchcould have a grandson who seems like such a weakling? It's
true; that grandson could never get rich on his own; if hehadn't inherited his family's money, he'd be poor because he'sweak and incompetent. And it shows. The men who, like
yourself, are capable of making money now, are men who can actin a strong style that almost seems to draw money like a magnet.
Language, and the way you speak , can say as much as the ideasin your words. Equally important however, is your bodylanguage, that is, the way you stand, walk, move and sit, and
Be the Man Who's in Demand
Power isn't just you being able to call someone and tell himwhat to do; it's also other men calling you and asking for your
business or wanting to associate with you. If you're a man whoseems to possess a wide knowledge of the world, an awareness of
trend, if you're the early-bird who catches sight ofopportunities first, if you're the man who's capable of handlingmany different kinds of situations, then people will seek you
out. They'll invite you to vacation at their country homes, tomeet their influential associates, to join their social clubsand their business syndicates. And when they do, all of these
will enhance your image of power, and widen your power base soyou can zoom in even more.
When the Fight for Power Gets Harder
Everything we've said so far will be useful in just about every
situation; but when the struggle for power gets more intense,some other methods are needed. When the person(s) you're
talking to has been open-minded and your powers of persuasionhave been working from the moment you first started talking, theusual techniques can be used. But what if you're dealing with
someone whose mind is closed to your ideas and influence fromthe start, or who feels he is in direct competition with you?Then things must be handled somewhat differently.
Most important, be in control of the situation at all times. Ifyou feel your control is slipping, do something to regain it,
You could do something vividly dramatic and totally bewilderingto the other person, like suddenly shouting or pounding on your
desk. Or you could press a secret buzzer to have someone rushin and interrupt when the other side is coming on too strong.
Never ever get into a power struggle when you're at any kind ofa disadvantage; if you're tired or if the discussion turns to asubject in which the other guy is an expert. Always focus your
own mental energy and project your thoughts into his mind. Lookhim in the eyes, try to gain his confidence. Always have apicture in your mind of a victory over this person bigger than
the victory you need to achieve your aims. And whatever you do,don't lose; that is, if you realize that you can't beat him,then leave. It's better not to have victory than to have a
Say Whatever Does the Trick
Making a lot of money is largely a process of convincing people,of selling yourself, your service, your product. And the trick
is to tell them what they want to hear. The problem is to findout what they want to hear. So you'll start out by giving thembasic information about what you're selling. You then continue
with your sales approach, always watching their reactionscarefully. When you see their eyes light up and they then leanforward with interest, then continue on the topic that aroused
that interest, no matter how odd it may seem to you. And do theopposite when you reach any of the usual parts of your
presentation, if the prospect shows less than the normal amountof interest; that is, shorten that part and go on though the next.
From Start to Finish
You start out by telling them what the product or service is ordoes. The kinds of benefits people get from using it and someexamples of ways, both usual and unusual, that other folks have
used it. It often helps to mention that "Mr. Anderson, youknow, the big shot, just bought two of them for his own use", or
that "the XYZ Corporation recently bought seven of them fortheir executives". Or if you're selling a more heavy duty item,that "Smith's Construction Company has been using them for
years". If it's almost a custom made item, tell them they'reone of the select few who will even get a chance to buy it. Ifyou have an opportunity to talk to his wife or a friend of his,
play along with that other person and have them unknowinglyhinting to the customer that "it certainly sounds like a gooddeal". If his kids are with him, get them to needle him into
buying it. Use any method that works.
Suppose the guy seems convinced but he can't seem to make up hismind to actually hand over the money or sign the contract tomake the purchase. Sometimes it helps to imply that he really
can't afford it. He might buy it just to show you he isn't pooror a cheapskate. Another great strategy that sometimes works indesperation to close a sale is to make him feel guilty if he
doesn't buy. Imply that he deliberately wasted your time andenergy, the he's rotten and thoughtless, that he just wanted tomake a phony impression on his wife or girl friend or anyone who
is there with him. You might want to say all this very loudly,almost yelling, so that a crowd gathers and you shame him intobuying. Or you can try another method to clinch the sale, offer
him a "special bonus". Say you'll give him a longer time topay, or a contract for "free" servicing or that you'll add on a
bonus of another item "free". Actually he may have beenentitled to this "extra" all along, but if you haven't mentionedit, then now's the time. Try to keep one or two tings in
reserve as your last pieces of ammunition.
To Sum It Up
Prepare in advance so you know the other man's point of view;if you're able to benefit him, he'll practically jump at thechance to let you make money off him. Tell him what he wants to
hear. And above all, keep eyes and ears open for anyinformation, clues or tip-offs, favorable or unfavorable, that
will give you the powers to persuade him.
In the power battle called life, victory will go to those who
find the right weapons and use them. So keep your weaponshandy; get a head start and don't lose it. Be alert for cluesyou can use to your advantage. Present yourself with
confidence; broadcast your will power, speak and move with
assurance, and, to make sure they get the message, have theclothes, car, office and the other outer appearances of powerand money. People tend to believe what they see, and if you
look like you've got it made, then you will have it made.
HOW TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE AND WIN THEM OVER
You will never to be able to control people, but you will beable to let people control themselves in ways that benefit you.
If you tell people what to do, they may not listen to you andwill probably resent you. You must get people to do what theywant to do, while you influence their control over themselves.
This report will show you how to do that.
There are two ways to get people to do what you want. The first,
behavior modification, allows you to change a person'sundesirable behaviors using positive reinforcement. The secondmethod of influencing is reality modification, and we'll
concentrate most of our attention on this. This influencingtechnique is successful because of the way in which your
requests are presented. In this report, I will show you how toget anything. The secret to getting what you want is the way yougo about getting it.
KNOW WHAT PEOPLE NEED
There are three main goals people subconsciously seek. They are:
1. Symbolic rewards 2. Material gains 3. Security
We all have the need for symbolic rewards, such as recognition
and praise. Everybody wants to feel important and special. Theact of praising and recognizing another is a strong motivator.
Always reward good deeds with praise, and give positive,constructive criticism for bad deeds. If you are patient, intime you will see the results of your compliments.
Material rewards mean a lot to people, whether they realize it
or not. In any capitalist society, a person's status is judgedby his material gains. Therefore, since money produces materialgain, it is a strong motivator, and its presence can have a
Everyone needs security and stability. Security is attained whenpeople feel they belong and are needed by others. People wantsecurity in their jobs, friends, family, etc. There are many
ways to increase other people's feelings of security:
a) Let people know what you have to offer and what you expectfrom them in return. Tell them why the relationship you havewith them is the way it is.
b) Make people feel that they are needed and belong in therelationship with you. Show a need for their presence.
c) Let others know what their efforts are accomplishing and howthey are affecting you. Make them feel important and special to
you. Show them that their efforts are appreciated.
d) Make sure that parties in the relationship are compatible
Make sure people are comfortable in their relationships with
you. If they are not, find out why and do something about it.
HOW TO WIELD MORE INFLUENCE
Have a clear idea in your mind about what to achieve, whetherit be changing another person's undesirable behaviors or
persuading him to accept your point of view. Fix this idea ofwhat you want to achieve firmly in your mind. Know exactly whatyou want, and clarify any vague objectives you may have. Clarity
of personal purpose is the first step to putting yourinfluencing abilities to work.
Have a clear understanding of what others expect of you and whatyou actually expect of yourself. People often set unrealistic
expectations for themselves by gathering up all of the good
qualities they see in others, and trying to have them all within
themselves. No one expects you to be perfect.
Resolve to do everything better and be persistent until youattain the results you've been trying to achieve. Anything worth
doing once is worth doing again and again. Don't let rejectionor any other negative experience stop you. Learn from mistakes,better yourself, and keep on going.
The old cliche, "there' no such thing as free lunch," is fact of
life. If you want to receive something, learn to pay for it.
Some things may have higher prices than others, and some thingsmay have a higher value to you than others. Examine your options
carefully and match what you can give with what you want toreceive.
People will help you get where you want to go. It will never be
easy for you to make it alone. People can teach you and help youbecome more influential with others. Listen to other people andlearn from them.
When you expect a lot, you can get a lot. Your expectations of
others and yourself will become reality. Whatever you expect tohappen will happen. If you push yourself hard, you will start tosee results.
When you create a "win, win, win" situation, you will start towin. When you start to think positively, your life will start tobe positive.
Promise people a lot, and then give them more. This is the way
the highest achievers have made it. Tell people what you will dofor them, and then do more.
If you want things from others, you must first give. Don'texpect others to make the first move - you have to. If you want
to get ahead in life and be successful, you must make the firstmove. Everybody has certain goals and objectives they wish to
achieve. If you can help them reach their goals and objectives,they will want to return the favor. Give people what they wantand you will always be ahead.
HOW LISTENING HELPS YOU CONTROL OTHERS
Listening is one of the most important necessities of humancommunication. If you don't listen to people, you are missing
out on one of the best ways to influence people. People willalways listen to you when you listen to them. One of the
greatest influencing tools is listening. When you listen towhat's on a person's mind, you will find that communicationbarriers are broken. Even if you think you know what they are
going to say, listen to them. If you are a bad listener, peoplewill think that you are not interested in them. People will likeyou if listen to them. How do you feel about people who listen
to what you have to say? Isn't your admiration for them high?Others will feel the same way about you.
Distractions inhibit good talkers and listeners. It is importantthat you remove all distractions when listening to another
person. You want to create a very warm and comfortableatmosphere for the talker.
Questions we ask people arouse their thinking processes. When
you arouse people's think processes, you give them the chance toexpress their own ideas and feelings. The only way you will findout what you want to know about another is by asking questions.
If you are able to help people think on their own they willrespect you and like you. You have been able to do something forthem that they were not able to do for themselves. By listening
to others, you also fulfill their need to feel important.
Through your concern, they feel special.
In order to listen, you must keep the conversation open. Somepeople won't tell you everything on their minds, so you may haveto question them to keep the conversation going. All of your
questions should relate to who, what, why, where, when and how.
The questions you ask must have a specific purpose. If theydon't, you will lose credibility. You must ask questions the
person understands. Don't confuse other people by askingcomplicated questions, such as questions with many parts. Askthem one part of a question at a time. Try to get others to tell
you "why." "Why" is one of the best questions to ask people. Thereason for asking people questions is to get definite answers.
Your questions should prompt definite answers, and they should
discourage others from guessing at the answers. The therapeuticvalue of questioning is lost when people guess at answers.
I have solved many arguments just by listening. It may be hard
to believe, but it really works. It works when someone is tryingto get his point across to you, and when he is yelling andtelling you how right he is. Even if the argument is
meaningless, here is how to deal with the situation so that youcome out on top.
The first thing you should do is listen to what the person hasto say without once interrupting. This is where your listeningskill will come in handy. You should say "yes" or "I understand"
occasionally to show the other person that you are reallylistening. It is important that you agree with the other
person's point of view. If you don't think the other person isright, you must at least let the other person know that youunderstand his point of view. When the other person is finished
saying what he had to say, ask him, "what can I do for you?'This statement throws many people off because they don't expectit. You will find, after using this technique, that most people
give in to your point of view. The reason for this is that allpeople really want is for someone to listen to them.
It is very important to listen to what other people have to say.
Its is also important for others to listen to what you have tosay. This chapter will teach you how to create the most impactfrom what you say.
The first thing you must do when trying to make a point is toget the other person's attention. Make sure the other person islistening to you before you begin talking. If the other person
is not listening to you, then you are wasting your time tryingto get through to him.
Make sure your message can be fully understood by the othersperson. Don't use language or terms the other person will not
People want to hear what you will do for them, not what you wantfrom them. Fill your message with benefits. The following two
sentences show how this concept works. "I can show you how to bea better person if you listen to me" is much more appealingthan. "Listen to me because I am smarter than you."
When you begin a conversation, open with something about which
you have a mutual understanding and on which both of you canagree. Here is an example of this concept: IF you want someoneto turn the lights off when not in use, you should not say,
"keep the lights off, you *@$!!"; instead, you should say "Weboth want to conserve energy, don't we? So could you please turn
off the lights when you leave the room?"
Don't tell someone to do something just because you want him to,or because it is a policy or rule. Give him a reason to listento you. If you ask someone to follow a policy or rule, tell him
why you expect him to follow it. Don't just tell someone to dosomething - give him a benefit-oriented reason for doing it.
If you are going to change subject during a conversation, tell
the listener that you will be moving on to another subject. Ifyou confuse your listener, he may not listen. It is easier for aperson not to listen at all than to try to follow a confusing
More on "effective talking" can be found in the section on
HOW TO DEAL WITH DEFENSIVE PEOPLE
We sometimes think that people are resisting us when they're
only trying to protect themselves. People often put up defensivefronts to portray themselves as people they are not. If you canget behind their fronts, dealing with defensive people becomes
Very few defensive people actually realize they are defensive.
They often feel they are acting in the best interests of others.
In many cases, an outsider can see defensiveness in a person
that the person is completely unaware of. People who shy awayfrom any type of risk, or people who are constantly making
excuses, have weaknesses within themselves. They projectinsecurities about themselves onto others. A person whoconstantly brag about his intelligence may, in fact, be insecure
about it, so, for his own reassurance, he tries hard to convinceothers that he is smart. In some situations, he may become an"over-achiever" to compensate for his weaknesses. For example,
he may sacrifice his social life and devote all of his time toschool work.
People who ridicule others for being poor achievers may betrying to hide the fact that they are poor achievers themselves.
In this way, they project their own faults onto others instead
of admitting them to themselves. When you encounter a person
like that, don't just write him off as big mouth or a totalloss. The best thing you can do is to make that person shut up.
This will alleviate the problem temporarily, but the problem can
only be eliminated permanently by the person himself.
The reason for criticizing other people is to modify theirbehavior. We want other people's attitude or behaviors to change
because they are wrong. If you criticize people for beingstupid, foolish, etc., they will lose respect for you. If youcriticize people's acts not their intelligence, they'll change
their acts and still have respect for themselves and for you.
Everyone is insecure in one way or another and defensiveness is
a normal reaction to insecurity. there are ways to deal withdefensiveness in people without becoming frustrated or upset.
Here are guidelines to follow when dealing with defensive people:
Never Accuse A Person Of Being Defensive
Accusing a person of being defensive can be damaging. Don't saythings like, "You're defensive because you can't cope with thesituation."
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but do we all live up
to them? If you make a mistake, apologize for it. If you arewrong, admit your error. Mistakes can help us learn how to dothings right the second time around, and we should feel guilty
If you already know the real reason behind a person'sinsecurity, then solve the real problem. If a person is insecure
about being unattractive, give praise for their good qualitiesand reassure them of their attractiveness.
Questioning And Listening May Solve The Real Problem
Never directly label any of a person's weaknesses. Through yourquestioning and listening skills, you may be able to get a
person to realize his own problems. When you question a person,
ask vague questions and try to lead him to a point where he
understands himself. Here is a sample question to ask: "It seemsto me that you are angry. How do you feel about this situation?"
In situations in which a person doesn't want to communicate, it
may be better to leave the situation alone. Remember that youcan only do so much to help a person realize his problems.
HOW TO PERSUADE PEOPLE THROUGH PERSISTENCE
If you are persistent, you will eventually get what you want.
The reason for this is that it easier for people to give in toyou than to continue resisting you. If you keep asking forsomething, within reason, you will get what you want. Children
are experts at this. The following are steps you must take touse persistence effectively:
In a direct statement, calmly tell the other person what you
want. Here are some examples: "I want to."; "tell me.";"show me."
Repeat your request over and over to the person until you getwhat you want or a reasonable compromise. Don't let the other
person distract you with excuses or accusations. Keep repeatingyour request no matter what the other person says.
You must be calm and collected at all times during your request.
No matter what the other person says or does, always be calm andpleasant.
Get The Other Person To Make a Commitment
The other person may give you a vague answer to meet yourdemand, such as, "We'll see," "soon," "Maybe," etc. If you get a
vague answer, push for a commitment to an exact date.
Make sure the person who has made a commitment to you does whathe agreed. If he isn't living up to his agreement, be persistentand refer him back to the terms of his commitment. Refer back to
them as many times as it takes to make him follow through withwhat he agreed to do for you.
HOW TO BE A MASTER COMPROMISER
In many cases, all you will be able to achieve by beingpersistent is a compromise. Compromises are good because they
put you a step closer to your goal. If, for some reason, youcan't accept a compromise, then don't. Offer whatever you can,nothing more. This, however, may not get you a settlement in
your favor. Here are several steps that will show you how tocompromise so that you get the most you can out of the bargain:
Tell the person exactly what you want in terms he will
understand. For example, "I want more."
You must get around the other person's excuses andrationalizations. You must be persistent until you feel you havehit the other persons' bottom line. The other person may try to
manipulate you, so be strong and persistent so he cannot.
If you are unsure of what, don't agree to anything. You mustthink the situation over entirely before you compromise. If you
need more time, tell the other person that you need more time.
Make sure that you can live with the agreement before you makeit.
Everyone wants to be liked by other people. If you treat peoplethe way they want to be treated, they will like you. If you
treat them badly, they won’t. Often we don't know whether thethings we do are objectionable to others. I am going to give youa list of things that attract people to others, and a list of
Everybody enjoys being praised. People look for approval ofthemselves from others. You should only praise people when theydeserve praise. If you praise people when they don't deserve it,
or if you praise people too much, you will lose yourcredibility. Don't exaggerate your praise. Make the praise as
Putting a person down can be very damaging to your relationshipwith that person. People feel degraded when called stupid,crazy, weird, etc. Don't put people down, even if they are not
present. If you do, the word will get back to them, and you willlook bad. Always talk about people positively. If you don't likesomeone, don't say anything about him. You will be amazed at the
Don't Be Concerned With Your Interests Only
There is nothing wrong with caring about and looking out foryourself as long as you don't become entirely preoccupied with
it. People resent selfishness in others. Try to make yourconcern for others more noticeable than your concern foryourself. People will recognize and admire your generosity. Make
sure others know you look out for them as well as yourself.
When others have helped you accomplish something, share thecredit with them, even if their contributions were not as greatas yours. You will be surprised how generously people react
toward you when you share credit with them.
If you are unwilling to go out of your way for others, don'texpect them to go out of their way for you. Set the first
example. If you help others, they will help you in return.
Everybody wants approval and recognition for what they haveaccomplished. If someone helps you in any way, tell him how muchyou appreciate his actions. Actions a person performs for you
may not be repeated if you don't show appreciation. Here are
some examples of how you can best state your appreciation forothers: "I really appreciate the way you."; "Thank you verymuch for."; "You are very good at.", "I want to tell you how
much it means to me that you."; "You were very nice to.";etc. Don't overdo your show of gratitude or you may seem
When you "show up" others, you do it at their expense. Showingup people in front of others takes away their self-respect. Ifyou are better than others, they will know it. You don't have to
Some problems may seem small to you, but they may mean a greatdeal to others. Don't ignore other people's problems. Treating
small problems with importance shows other people you care.
People are concerned about themselves, and it is important forthem to feel that others also care about them. People feelimportant when others care about them. Helping people get
through daily trials and sharing in their victories makes peoplefeel that you care about them.
Don't Criticize People In Front Of Others
Public criticism will cause people to feel degraded andembarrassed, and they will resent you for doing that to them. If
you criticize someone, criticize them privately andconstructively.
Everybody wants to feel important. To make a person feel
important you must give him your undivided attention whencommunicating with him. Eliminate all distractions and be sureto have good eye contact. When you are communicating with
another person, give him your complete, undivided attention.
Everyone appreciates people who are courteous, tactful anddiplomatic. The best way to learn these qualities is fromothers. Study someone you would like to be like and learn how he
If you are not confident in yourself, people will not beconfident in you. People admire and respect confident people. IF
you show others doubt, they will treat you with doubt. Be sureof yourself and play down your insecurities.
HOW TO PERSUADE PEOPLE TO THINK LIKE YOU
Criticism is one way to persuade people to think like you. Withcriticism we can modify the behavior of other people. IF people
do things we don't like, we redirect (criticize) them. The word"criticism" has a negative connotation in our society, butcriticism is actually very useful. In this chapter we'll discuss
criticism, which should be considered constructive reasoning.
Follow the steps shown below when you wish to criticizeconstructively.
Before you criticism someone, be absolutely sure that what the
individual did was wrong. Know the person you are criticizing.
Make sure you understand the person's character. IF you know theperson and his characteristics well, and you know he'll never
change, then don't waste your breath criticizing him. Don't tryto change a habit that the individual is not capable of
changing, i.e., stuttering, etc. The reason for criticizing anindividual is so you both benefit from the improvedrelationship. It is important that the person be improved and
bettered by your criticism. I have set several guidelines foryou to follow when criticizing another person. If you followthese guidelines, you will find people following your
When criticizing someone, get right to the point and tell himspecifically what his undesirable behavior is. If you don't tellhim exactly what he must work on, he may not be able to correct
his behavior is, and making sure he understands why you arecriticizing him, is the most important step in learning to
If you criticize a person too much, the purpose behind yourcriticism will be lost. The effectiveness of your criticism maybe weakened when it is overused, and the other person may begin
to resent you if you don't give him time to change. Onlycriticize when you feel it is necessary. If there are severalundesirable behaviors you want the other person to change,
Never Say "Never" Or "Always"
Worlds like "never" and "always" tend to put people on thedefensive when they're used to describe their behaviors. The
word "always" gives people the impression that their faults areconstantly noticed and more obvious than they actually are.
"Usually" or "sometimes" are better words for describing
people's Behaviors and shouldn't put them on the defensive. Theword "Never" is often used in place of "seldom." There is a bigdifference between "seldom" and "never," and people will often
resent the word "never" when it is used to describe theirbehaviors. People will always react less defensively to thewords "usually" and "seldom."
It may be funny to you to joke about people's faults but peoplefeel you are making fun of them when you do. If you don'tcriticize people's behaviors seriously, you can't expect them to
consider seriously changing those behaviors.
Comparing one person to another unfavorably will cause thatperson to resent you. Try not to make any type of comparisonthat will put a person down. Comparisons that make a person look
good have the opposite effect. Comparisons such as, "You are the
best person here," create good feelings between you and the
Criticize A Person At The Time Of The Act
The best time criticize someone is right after the unfavorableact is committed. If you are unable to correct a person's
actions as they are committed, do so later when you're alonewith that person and you can discuss the situation openly.
Begin With Sincere Praise And Admiration
Everyone needs recognition of their strong points, as well ascriticism of their faults. Begin your criticism by defining a
person's strengths. Let him know how he pleases you and how muchhis actions mean to you. Then tell him that despite his strongpoints, there is one behavior you think he ought to change.
After discussing his unfavorable behavior, end the conversationwith more praise and admiration for his strengths.
Give A Person Expectations To Live Up To.
Always give people expectations to live up to, not negative
reputations to live down. This is an excellent way to motivatepeople to work for you. Give people standards to work up to.
Establish high standards, and they will work up to them.
Constructively tell people what you know they can achieve. Yourconfidence in them increases their confidence in themselves. Theexpectations you place on others will be realized by them. If
you tell someone what you want him to do and then say, "I don'tknow if you can do it," he probably won't do it. If you tellhim, "I know you can do it," he will live up to your
expectations. Here are some phrases you can use: "I know I cancount on you to do well because.", "I know you can do a great
job because you are so good at what you do." An expectation withpraise works wonderfully.
Other people don't frustrate and anger you, you do that toyourself. Losing your temper with another person will always
hurt you, not him. Anger and frustration will never solve yourproblems, reasoning and logic will. Don't let personal feelingand resentment get in your way.
Point Out A Person's Mistakes Indirectly
Don't point a finger at anyone or openly blame anyone for makinga mistake. Use vague questions to get the other person to tellyou what has happened and what they have done. This alleviates
any resentment they would feel if accusations were madeincorrectly. Don't make remarks about personal abilities,
intelligence, etc., even if the mistake was caused by the otherperson. The technique for constructive questioning is covered ina previous chapter.
With a few good questions, the other person will tell you
everything you want to know. As the person is telling you hisside of the story, he will also realize what he has done. Hewill be able to uncover the true cause for his mistakes. Once
you and he understand the true cause, a remedy can be sought.
Try to find out as much as you can about the situation. If youare at fault, the other person may not know how to tell you. The
only way you will be able to solve a problem is if you knowexactly what has happened. Ask yourself questions, and see ifyou can answer them. Put yourself in the other person's position
and visualize the situation from his point of view. Look at allof the facts carefully and objectively.
Don't tell the other person what he wants to hear, tell him whathe must hear. If you think he should be told something, tell
him. When you tell someone what he must hear, tell it to him ina positive, constructive way so that he will benefit from your
When you admit your own mistakes, people more readily accept youpointing out their errors. Telling others that you have made thesame mistakes they have, and that you will help them by showing
them how you remedied similar situations, makes them feel betterabout their own lot. Tell them, "I've made that same mistakemany times, I know how it feels. I'll show you how I solved the
Make Them See The Problem Without Pointing The Finger
You don't have to point a finger at someone to get a problemsolved. Have a conference with the person with whom you areexperiencing problems. Tell him your problem without mentioning
any names or specifically saying who you are talking about. Thistype of criticism is so indirect that, in many cases it alone
solves the problem. It causes the other person to realize theproblem and solve it for you.
You must only punish people to a degree relative to thewrongdoing. If you go overboard, people you punish will resent
you. If you don't punish people for the wrong they do you, theywill take advantage of you. The best way to punish someone is tohave the other person set the punishment. Ask the other person
what should be done to him because of what he has done. Most ofthe time, the person will give himself a more severe punishment
that you would have. In this case, lower the sentence. He willlook upon you favorably for it. If a person names a punishmentfor himself that is too weak to suit his wrongdoing, say "I'm
sorry, but that is not what I had in mind. I think that. isfair."
End Your Criticism With Praise And Admiration
It is important for a person to know that you are criticizinghim to help him. You must restore his self-esteem. When you've
finished your criticism, tell him how much you appreciate hisstrong points.
People increase or decrease their actions depending upon how
others react to them. Praise is a strong reward. The best way toget people to do what you want them to is to praise them fortheir progress. By rewarding them with praise for their
improvements, you will get better results from them.
You may have to speak to a person more than once if there hasbeen very little improvement in his behavior. If you speak tohim a second time, you must be harder on him. If you have to
speak to him more that two or three times, you must review yourcriticizing skills. Again, be sure that you don't criticize a
person for a behavior that he cannot change.
HOW TO DEAL WITH USELESS CRITICISM
Some criticism is in poor taste. We must often deal withunconstructive criticism, such as, "You look terrible today," or
"You don't know anything, you idiot." Don't let this type ofcriticism bother you. When you find yourself faced with suchuseless criticism, follow these step:
Carefully evaluate the criticism the other person presents you
with, and be sure to agree with him on the facts. In the aboveexamples you could reply., "I haven't been feeling too welllately," and "No, I don't know much about this subject." When
you respond to the other person, answer only to what he actuallysays, not what he implies.
Stay calm and collected throughout the conversation. Don't lose
you temper. The only way you will feel degraded is if you takecriticism personally, and not constructively. Don't waste histime and your emotions by reading more into his criticism than
is actually stated. By accepting criticism constructively, notpersonally, you won't need to defend your pride or attack theother person.
If you make a mistake accept it, but don't feel guilty. If you
are in error, apologize sincerely and take any actions necessaryto remedy the situation. If you do this, there is no reason for
a teary, dramatic apology. Such scenes will only embarrass youmore and make the other person feel uncomfortable as well.
When you get constructive criticism, try to gain the most fromit. Constructive criticism is one of the best ways to mold
yourself into a better person. The following steps will show youhow to get the most from constructive criticism.
Find out exactly what others object to about you. If someonetells you that he doesn't like your behavior, find out exactlywhat he doesn't like about it. Be very persistent, and insist
that he be explicit in his criticism. Ask the other person whatyou can do to change the objectionable action in the future.
Vague criticism is worthless to you.
If a person criticizes you vaguely, but can't bring himself totell you explicitly what he disapproves of, then consider faultsthat others have criticized you for in the past. Often, the same
faults will displease different people. This may be the only wayto find out what displeases the other person.
If you act defensively, you will not be able to benefit from
constructive criticism. Don't be sarcastic or hostile toward theother person. Remember that the other person is criticizing youso that you can better yourself and your relationship with him.
HOW TO MEET PEOPLE AND MAKE FRIENDS
People enjoy the company of others, and everyone wants to meetpeople with whom they can have close and lasting friendships.
Here are some steps to follow if you want to become more
successful at meeting and making friends:
Let your prospect know who he is dealing with. Visualize him asa friendly, considerate and kind person. Give him information
that will make him receptive to you. Make the informationbenefit-oriented for him. Try phrases like, "I really like thatdress on you, it brings out your blue eyes," or, "I overheard
what you were saying, and I was really fascinated by how muchyou know about."
Ask the person you are talking to a leading question. A leadingquestion is one that provokes more of a response than a mere
"yes or "no" Here are some examples: "Do you attend a lot of
these charity balls?"; "How do you know the host?"; "Do you workdowntown, too? What do you do?" The other person's responses tothese leading questions will let you know if he is interested in
you or not. If you try to sell yourself to the personimmediately, you will get resistance. If you push too hard or
don't ask your leading questions with true interest andsincerity, you will get negative answers, and the conversationmay quickly come to an end. Try to make the person feel that you
want his consent to expand on an idea that may be of interest tohim. What you actually want is his consent to get to know himbetter. If the other person shows interest in you and begins to
communicate with you, feel free to go a step further.
Once the person opens up to you, you can begin to open yourselfup to him. You have his attention, and he is interested in you.
Once you feel comfortable in his presence, tell him yourstrongest attributes are, the ones that will appeal to him most.
If you get a positive response, you have successfully sold
yourself to him. At this point, you can feel free to furtherdevelop your new friendship. If the person is unresponsive, itmay be that you sound pompous and boastful to him. In this case,
you should lower your volume a bit and sound as humble andsincere as possible.
How To Handle Negative Feedback
Be prepared for some objections from the other person in thecourse of your conversation. Respond to each of his objections
and try to agree with some part of them. Don't linger or argueover an objection, accept the other person's point of view
without forcing yours upon him. Make sure that his objection islegitimate, not just an argumentative contest. First, agree thatyou understand the other person's objection. Then ask the other
person if there are any other reasons for objecting to yourunderlying reasons for his objections. For example, "Yes, I cansee why you feel that way, but I feel that."
The final part is the easiest part of your whole selling
approach. At this point, give the other person a choice. Don'tgive him a choice of whether to take you on or not, give him a
choice of how to take you on. "Do you have a pen, or would youlike to use mine to write down your phone number?" Instead ofsaying, "Do you want to go out with me?" say, "Would you rather
go to a movie or out dancing?" After you have gotten the other
person to make some kind of commitment, summarize the
proposition and reward the other person for accepting. Anexample of that is: "Thanks for giving me your phone number. I'mreally looking forward to Saturday night."
Getting along better with others is a matter of choice. Followthe principles outlined in this report and you will become a
more influential person. Not only will people be happy with you,but you will be happy with yourself. Your choice to become a newperson will be one of the best you'll ever make.
HOW TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE
FIRST, be prepared to know yourself better. A serious appraisal
of your life is essential to getting what you want. If you needto get to Pittsburgh by Friday, you've got to know where you'restarting from. A serious self-appraisal may take weeks to
complete. How well educated are you in the things you would liketo know? How much effort do you put into each aspect of yourlife?
What are your best and worst points? How do you choose yourfriends, your home, your job and your hobbies? How do treat your
friends, family and strangers? How deep is your personalspirituality? You have hundreds and hundreds of special traits,but how well developed is each of them? Which of your traits are
the worst? What have you accomplished over the past twenty, ten,five, two and in one year? In the past month? The past week?
Today? Who have you hurt? Who deserves better than you've giventhem? And most important, how close are you now to where youhoped you'd be when you looked ahead a year ago, five years ago,
Be prepared to cry a little as you make this appraisal of your
life. Humans are far from perfect, and even the minor goals weset for ourselves are not achieved, and it can hurt to seeexactly where you are. Draw upon every bit of serenity you have
when making this appraisal, and always keep in mind you are on afact-finding, not a fault-finding mission. Whether your
strengths match evenly with your weaknesses on paper is notimportant. What you want is a written record of who and what youare in as great a depth as possible, a blueprint of your house
which you can use as a base for improvement.
Great people in every field start with such a deep analysis and
revise it yearly to chart their progress, and the time andemotion spent in such an appraisal will be chicken feed comparedto the value you will receive from it.
SECOND, make a special report based on your self-appraisal and
include the report everything you ever did which you didn'tthink you could do. THIS ABSOLUTELY VITAL! It will provide youwith enormous inspiration when faced with a problem you don't
think you can overcome. These are not only real-life successstories, they are your success stories, positive proof thatthere's more in you than you might think. These experiences are
the batteries you'll use to power the shovels which will movemountains in the future. Remember, even an almost-dead batterywill start a car. Have this report in writing and keep it with
your personal analysis, and make a copy in case you lose it.
This will be a vital document in times to come.
THIRD, decide where you want to go. Most people fail because
they don't set goals worthy of themselves. If they do, they donot live each day in pursuit these goals. This, and every otherstep outlined here, is absolutely vital to a truly successful
When you set your goals, make them better than you've donebefore, but make them achievable. In other words, if it is atall possible that you or someone like you could achieve the
goal, it is worthy. But don't set them too low either, or you'llbe breezing through life, bored and unchallenged. Set goals foreach day, for the next week, month, year, two years, five years,
twenty years, fifty years (regardless of your age).
Be definite about what you want. Write your goals down and use
as much detail as possible. Make them firm. for the moment.
You will find as you achieve certain things that some goals will
have to change, and that's fine. Just don't go around changingyour mind every time the wind changes or you won't know whichway is up.
Set as many goals as you like, and include among them - whatyou'd like to be doing, where you'd like to go, what you want
for your family, what kind of person you'd like to be, how muchyou'd like to be earning, your net worth, your health,personality, education and spiritual growth. Keep your daily
goals confined to activities which will lead to accomplishmentof your long-term goals. Don't be afraid to set goals. Mistakescan be corrected; doing nothing cannot be corrected.
The next step takes no real effort, and strangely enough, it is
the most difficult step for the average person to take.
FOURTH: COMMIT! Make the decision to achieve those goals, to
strive for the things you want which will make your life andyourself all that much better. Make that commitment from theheart, not at the lips! It will take time to really feel that
commitment, and regularly reviewing the goals you've writtendown will make it possible to truly feel that commitment. You'llgo through agonies at first and wonder if any of this is really
worth it, and that's the point most people give up.
Remember this and you'll look forward to that agony. Everychange comes with pain. It hurts to be born, to fall in love, topass an exam, run a marathon. Once you start feeling that pain,
know it for what it is - your old self screaming for life. Letyour old self win and you lose!
Once you pass through that barrier of pain between what you areand what you want, you will know what it is worth every bit ofdiscomfort. You've been through it before, and you'll need the
memory of past incidents where you've made it to help you getthrough it.
You'll need the support of others, too. So you'll have toconsider the people with whom, you spend most of your time. Ifthey are not as interested in improving themselves as you are,
it's time to expand your circle of friends to include thosepeople, and make them the best you could want. Make your friends
inspirations to you in your quest for a better life.
The final step is so simple and so tough it literally separates
the men from the boys who will never grow up. It meanssacrificing immediate pleasure for real satisfaction down theroad, so if you're not ready to make the trade, go back two
FIFTH: Spend every moment of your life in the most effective,
efficient way possible in the pursuit of your goals. You'llnever be able to do this as well as you will want to, but that's
fine. Nobody spends all their time as effectively as humanlypossible. The degree to which you can tune your desire to thethings you want and discipline yourself to do the things that
lead to getting them - will determine how successful you will be.
Regardless of how weak you are now, you can and will increase
the value your time and activities and garner more happinessthan you might think fair only if you'll keep your failures inperspective. Think of them as lessons and gain something from
them. Use your successes as a well of strength on which you candraw when you're ready to quit.
These simple steps are the true secret to getting what you wantout of life. It has been proven time and time again by great men
down trough history, and centuries from now. The words maychange, but the ideas will be the same.
For centuries men have tried to find ways of making this simpleset of guidelines more complicated and more difficult tounderstand and follow. Most of them succeeded admirably. Most
got what they wanted by doing so. What they really wanted wasless than they set out to achieve. Getting what you truly wantis so difficult precisely because it is so simple. Humans are
very complex beings and thrive on making things even morecomplicated.
It might help to remember that the foundation of every religion,belief, system and philosophy that has worked its way to a
culture and taken root is personal happiness. In every case,happiness is achieved by reducing things to their simplepossible elements.
GETTING ALONG WITH YOUR BOSS
Understand, the fact that your boss, like yourself, is a humanbeing. Like everyone else, bosses come in all shapes and sizes.
Like you, he has ambitions, aspirations, and dreams. Some he
will achieve, others he won't. Some bosses are good managers,others bad, but most fall somewhere in the middle range.
Unless you're working for a very small company, your bossprobably has superiors of his own - that no doubt can, and do,
drive him crazy at times. What it boils down to more thananything else is, how well you and your boss can deal with theemotional roller coaster of everyday life, and perhaps most
importantly, how each of you view your job.
To get along with you boss, or other people for that matter, you
have to know how to understand and react to personality traits,get inside your boss's head. In short, you need to develop your
This does not mean becoming a ""yes" man and always siding with
your boss no matter how dumb a mistake he makes, or how big afool he makes of himself. Your boss may appreciate such blinddevotion, but unless you are willing to drop anchor and never
advance up the corporate ladder, you also need to know when toput some distance between you immediate supervisor, and thepowers that be, because if your boss really goofs-up - you may
be shown the door at the same time your boss is!
Back to getting along with the boss, you of course need to get
on and stay on his "good side," in short become a team playerThat means becoming the type of an employee everyone would like
to have work for them. Someone with a positive outlook, someonewho's also friendly, loyal, tolerant, compassionate,understanding, courteous and supportive. Someone who can take,
and follow orders. Someone who can get the job done. Someone whoknows when to speak-up, and when to keep his mouth shut.
Regardless of what you think of your boss, the first thing youshould learn, is his style of supervising. The two extremes ofmanagement style, are a boss who enjoys playing the part of a
military leader, where he, or she barks orders that must befollowed exactly without question, or the boss who maintains a
very low profile, giving employees broad guidelines and thendisappearing. Fortunately, most bosses fall somewhere in betweenthe two extremes, or little actual work would ever get done!
If you have the type of personality that demands you must havevery specific orders or you're "afraid you won't do it right,"
you better have a boss who is willing to spend the time watchingyour every step.
On the other hand, if you must be left to your own devices tomake things work to get the job done and resent the boss lookingover your shoulder or constantly "picking on you," you better
have the type of boss who is willing to give you enough room todo your own thing.
Either way, if you are stuck with the "wrong kind" of boss itwill be a real source of irritation that frequently ends in you
not seeing eye to eye with your supervisor.
If you can't change, or at least try, you would be better off
finding employment elsewhere - because the boss isn't going tochange his management style to please you!
It also pays dividends to learn what your boss likes anddislikes, and then adapt what you do to suit his personality and
management style. All bosses expect their workers to know how todo their job, and to get it do it correctly, and on time, butproblems are bound to come up in any business. One thing that
can really "set off" your boss is not handling problems like "hethinks" they should be handled.
Remember, he's the boss, so be sure to learn how he wants you tocommunicate problems. Does he prefer you put it in writing,arrange a meeting, or just drop-in his office anytime you have a
question? Use common sense. If the boss is in a bad mood, orotherwise having a bad day, he's probably not in the properframe of mind to listen to any new suggestions, or for you to
ask to go home early, take a day off, or get a raise.
Besides consideration for the boss's mood, and receptiveness onany particular day to listen to new ideas, the employee whothinks he has a good idea for changing an operating procedure,
should always re-think his idea through from every angle beforepresenting it to the boss.
You should give your boss the feeling of confidence that you'rea team player and you want to be the one he or she can depend onto make his or her job easier. You should try to figure out what
your boss's goals are, then help him to reach those goalsthrough your contributions as a good employee.
Basically, the good employee is the one who is ready and in themood to go to work at the designated time.
- A good employee knows his job, inside and out, and if faced withsomething new, puts in the necessary time on his own, to try and
figure things out, then presents options to the boss, whodecides if any changes in policy or procedures are needed.
- A good employee doesn't take time off except for real illness oremergencies. He's the one who does his work, gets the job done,
and is proud of his contribution to the overall success of the
company he works for. He's one who's ready to help a fellowemployee or newcomer without having to be asked to do so.
- A good employee lets the boss know that he's completed his work,and is free to assist him or her with special projects. He's the
one who doesn't camp out at the water cooler or coffee machineengaging his fellow workers in idle gossip. He's the one whosets up his work area either for the person on the next shift,
or so that he'll be ale to go right to work when he comes in thenext day.
All of these things and more, are the basic ingredients to thedefinition of a good employee, and being a good employee is thebest way of getting along with the boss! The practice of good
human relations and displaying the virtues of the idealemployee, requires the constant use of one's common sense for
ultimate success. On needs to be aware of the boss'ssensitivities, and eccentricities. If he bristles at any hint ofcriticism of how he does things, he needs a subordinate who'll
be willing to work under less then ideal conditions.
So, the bottom-line to getting along with any boss is first be a
good employee yourself. Master human relations. Understand thatyour boss is a human being just like yourself - with a job todo, and bosses of his own to answer to. So do everything you can
to make his or her job easier. It will go a long way to makingyour job easier and having a good working relationship with theboss!
If you can master the all important "people skills," someday you
may enjoy the power and prestige of being the boss, and enjoyingall the perks and other trappings of being in charge!
GET AN EXTRA HOUR OUT OF EVERY DAY
How can you get an extra hour from each day? This is a basic
challenge for all of us. I've discussed this challenge withaction and results-oriented people I know. Together, we've comeup with many practical ways to secure one more precious hour
from each day. (Remember that each of these tips is probablyadaptable to your particular situation.) Here they are. I hopeyou'll find them helpful an useful to you.
- Make up and follow a detailed, daily schedule.
- Do less passive reading, TV watching and the like.
- Avoid allowing others to waste your time.
- If you commute to work, use the time to study or plan.
- Organize your work; do it systematically.
- Spend less time on unimportant phone calls.
- Work hardest when you're mentally most alert.
- Eliminate activities which make little contribution to thebest results for your life.
- Always do the toughest jobs first.
- Before each major act, ask: Is this REALLY necessary?
- Choose interesting and constructive literature for
- Learn how to sleep. Sleep soundly, then work refreshed.
- Write notes or letters while waiting for others.
- Always carry an envelope with paper in it, stamps and a fewpostcards.
- Combine tasks which are done in the same area.
- Lay out your clothes the night before.
- Relax. Ready yourself for the important jobs in life.
- Concentrate on the specific task you're doing.
- Make constructive use of those five- or ten-minute waiting
periods. Carry with you magazine article clippings on helpfulsubjects.
- Always carry a pencil and paper to capture important-to-youideas.
- Learn to do other "unnecessary things" while watching TV orlistening to the radio.
- Call on specialists to accomplish work you cannot doefficiently.
- Nap an hour after dinner. Then take a shower. Begin theevening hours relaxed and refreshed.
- Avoid making a "production" out of small tasks.
MAKE YOUR DAYS HAPPIER
Here are some tested ways to make your days fuller and happier.
And here's another tip for peace-of-mind living - Tomorrow, saythis short prayer as you start your day: "Lord, please help meto remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you
MEASURING YOUR STRESS LEVEL
If you've been wondering what degree of stress you live under,
here is a quick way to get a fair estimate. Dr. Thomas and Dr.
Richard Rahe composed a table of events and the amount of stressthey cause. The most interesting feature of this table is that
the people they interviewed actually told them, how they couldrate specific events for the stress they cause, so this is humanrather than a medical appraisal of the degree of stress those
events caused As you get used to certain changes in your life,they become less stressful, so these ratings will not beentirely accurate for you. If, for example, you take a vacation
only every five years, you might rate it a 25 instead of a 13.
The common starting point used was a standard rate of 50 formarriage for all the people interviewed.
The combined total of both positive and negative stresses in the
past few months will give you an idea of your current stresslevel. Keep in mind that people have varying stress-handlingcapacities and this table does not take into account such
regular stresses as recreational drug use, alcoholism, chronicillness, allergy, battering and random stresses such as caraccidents, contest winning to the dreaded tax audit. This is
presented as information only and should not be used fordiagnostic or treatment purposes.
- Change in number of arguments with spouse
- Change in number of family get-togethers
UNDERSTANDING AND DEALING WITH EVERYDAY STRESS
WHAT STRESS IS.
Stress is an abnormal condition that disrupts the normalfunctions of the body or mind. No two people are affected inexactly the same way, or to the same degree, but most people
living in our highly industrialized society suffer from itseffects at one or more times during their lives. Symptoms rangefrom mind headaches, occasional bouts of insomnia, overall
restlessness, digestive problems, irritable bowel syndrome,constipation and diarrhea, and abdominal pain.
SELECTED LIFE EVENTS THAT CAN BRING ON STRESS:
Death of Spouse.
Death of a close family member.
Death of a close friend.
Major personal injury, illness or pregnancy.
Sexual molestation, drug abuse.
Major change in the health or behavior of a family member.
Gaining or losing a new family member.
Marital separation from mate.
Marriage, marital reconciliation, divorce.
Arguments with spouse, family members, friends, co-workers.
Changes in sleeping habits or change in part of day when asleep.
Vacations, Major holidays. In-law troubles.
Financing major purchases.
Beginning or ceasing formal schooling.
Change in usual type and or amount of recreation.
Change in outside social activities, religions, etc.
Major change in eating habits, Living conditions, moving.
Spouse beginning or ceasing work outside the home.
Changing to a different line of work.
Major change in responsibilities at work.
Changes in working hours or conditions.
Troubles with the boss.
Being fired at work.
Starting a new job or career.
Retirement from work.
Business readjustment, changes in financial condition.
Minor violations of the law (e.g., traffic tickets, disturbingthe peace, etc.)Detention in jail or other institution.
Examples that can cause work related stress are trying to get
too much work done in too little time, cutting corners orotherwise taking chances that may put you, or someone else atrisk, and trying to get along with superiors and co-workers.
Everybody has days when there simply seems there's too much work
to get done. Trying to get everything done by yourself can bringon stress. Some people try and deal with the pressure bydelegating certain jobs to others. If you can unburden yourself
and not worry about when and how the work gets done, if you canput full faith and trust in co-workers or subordinates it can bean effective escape valve. Trouble is, most people can't let go.
If you have the type of personality that demands to know howthings are going, chances are you're only increasing thepressure and stress on yourself by constantly worrying if the
To lessen stress you must either learn to trust others to getthe job done, or prioritize jobs to get rid of "what must bedone" first. Many people tend to "put off" the difficult jobs
they hate to do until the last possible minute. Of course, thisonly makes it all the more difficult and stressful when youfinally get around to doing what you should have done earlier.
When you feel the "walls closing in on you" if possible, take abreak. Many people in trying to relax actually kick their bodies
into overdrive by using their break time to either get anicotine or caffeine fix. Instead of calming you down, bothsubstances being stimulants speed up your body processes. You
may think you're relaxing, but your blood pressure and heart areworking harder.
Instead of coffee or cigarettes try a brief chat with friends, ashort leisurely walk, even just looking out the window for a few
minutes. Never take breaks, or eat lunch at your work station.
The point of a break is to get away from whatever work you'redoing. You can't get your mind off your work if you're chained
Getting along with your co-workers and the boss can be more than
a sore point. It can be something you learn to put up with, orit can turn into a festering wound that only gets worse with
time. If you're having problems, get them out in the open. Mostmanagers today at least have some training in dealing withpersonal problems. If you can't clear the air or have tried
using all the company procedures to resolve a grievance, and youno longer enjoy your job, hate to go to work in the morning, orfeel that the pressure is getting to be too much, it may be time
STRESS AWAY FROM WORK
Anyone who's ever been stuck in a major traffic jam probably hasseen the darker side of many people's personalities. It seemseveryone is always in a hurry to either get, or go somewhere,
and never seem to allow enough time for the everyday problemsthat are bound to crop up from time to time.
Banging on the steering wheel, laying on the horn, givingsomeone the "finger," or shooting a string of obscenities is
only reacting to something that has already happened. You can'tmake the guy in front of you go any faster, or prevent someonefrom cutting you off. Accidents, road repairs, and just plain
heavy traffic happens. Learn to deal with it or don't drive. Ifyou must, at least change your route from time to time. Alwaysallow plenty of time, and try and make all trips as pleasant as
possible. You may not realize it, but how you act on your way towork, or on your way home will have either a positive or
negative impact. Accept the fact that it's something you justhave to get through so you may as well try and make the best ofit.
Most people are smart enough to know that they should set sometime aside to take it easy. If you participate in some sports
activity, remember you're doing it to relax! While many peoplenaturally have their competitive nature come to the surface whenengaging athletics, don't lose sight of the fact you're
participating to have fun. Don't get bent out of shape if youdon't always win or otherwise play up to par. The whole point isto enjoy yourself and forget your everyday worries. Treat it as
a night out with the "boys," or gals and relax!
Families can be as source of support, an oasis away from theeveryday pressures or sometimes it's only a place to grab a fewhours sleep and get back in the rat race. Your children, spouse,
family members, in-laws can be a source of irritation at times.
If someone is constantly doing something that really "bugs you,"tell the offending person or persons and see if things can be
straightened out before things get out of control.
A man's home (a woman's too) should indeed be a place to rest
and relax. Many people find it helpful unwind by sharing theday's events with their loved ones. It should not develop into a
daily routine, nor should you give a detailed blow by blow recapof the day's events, but when things go wrong, who better totalk to than your family? Holding things back, keeping it inside
yourself, almost always does more harm than good and can affectnot only your well-being but everyone else in your family aswell. Talking things over is a great way to get rid of built up
You should also be a good listener. Don't unload your problems
and have no time for your mate's or children's problems. Theymay seem trivial to you, but they are real problems that needsolving just like yours.
A great way to get rid of stress is, every once in a while, do
something totally different and unexpected without any priorplanning. Don't fall into a trap when you must do such and suchthing a certain way, or at specific time or place. If you always
put on a blue suit on Thursday, or go to an Italian restauranton Tuesday, break the habit every once in a while. Even doingthings you like can become stressful if you're stuck in the same
Stress can best be managed by realizing what you can change
about your life and knowing what you can't. Learn how torecognize the difference and you'll enjoy life more and be
better able to deal the ups and downs that are part ofeveryone's life.
HOW TO OVERCOME KILLER STRESS
It was November 30, 1991 - the date is firmly etched in my mind- we had returned from visiting a older friend. I took ashower, then became extremely nauseated - I don't ever remember
being that ill - then tried to throw up, but was too sick to. Ithen headed for the front door to get some fresh air and becamedizzy. I lay down on the floor to avoid passing out. Heart
attack! came to mind - I may be dying. I asked my wife to callthe ambulance. I prayed aloud, asking God to forgive my sins. Iwanted to call my son in Tulsa, but there was not enough time.
The ambulance crew arrived, along with two friends. One prayedaloud for me. The cool night air felt good.
Preliminary tests at ICU indicated a stomach virus, but theattending physician recommended further tests. There had been
heart symptoms for about ten years, but I hadn't followed thedoctor's advice for medical tests. I had noticed pain up into myneck during exertion, and a general heaviness in the chest area.
There were times when my heartbeat would skip and I becamewinded easily.
My wife had suffered a stroke in 1986 and was later pronouncedpermanently disabled. To compound the situation, now we wereunder great financial stress. My mail-order business was not
doing well financially, though I enjoyed it and it seemedtailor-made for our circumstances.
A resting EKG indicated that my heart was not getting enoughoxygen. A stress eg indicated some problem. Then, in January
1992, a heart catheterization indicated that I had not had aheart attack. I was placed on one aspirin per day and Cardizem,which is a heart and blood pressure medicine.
Stress was making me seriously ill. My family was verysupportive, but stress agents were taking their toll. I had
served as an Army Chaplain in Vietnam, and finished a militarycareer in the Army Reserve, retiring a colonel in 1988. I had
earned a BA, two masters degrees and a doctorate, taught in twocolleges for a total of five and a half years, pastored foreleven years and spent about five years in school
administration. At one time, I was teaching a full load atcollege, working on a doctorate and working on a reservemilitary career.
Things went to "zero." Children made me nervous. Crowds ofpeople bothered me. I didn't want to go anywhere. Other physical
problems began to surface. I looked for a pastorate and jobs,
but didn't know if I could perform. Bankruptcy was put off until
stress forced the issue - we filed for bankruptcy December 1992.
I had been effectively become a drug addict. No, I did not
inject drugs in my veins or smoke or "snort" them. But, by worryand stress, I inadvertently had my brain command the adrenal
gland to do so! Many of you are stressed-out, too. Learn from mybad experience, or you may not be so fortunate. Sometimes thefirst heart attack is the killer!
SHORT-TERM STRESS (FEAR)
God made a human being so that in case of real or imagineddanger, the adrenal medulla (the inside part of the adrenalgland) produces adrenaline, a hormone, which is injected into
the blood stream. Adrenaline produces an "acute alarm" reactionin the body. This acute reaction is generally short-term. The
heart beats faster and blood pressure is raised. Blood isshunted from the stomach and skin to the muscles to providephysical strength for "fight or flight." High-energy fats are
dumped into the bloodstream, blood sugar level rises, breathingquickens, eyes dilate and chemicals appear in the blood to clotblood rapidly in case of injury. This heightened condition may
save one's life, but it is hard on the body.
LONG-TERM STRESS (WORRY)
When one perceives a real or imagined loss of control, theadrenal cortex (the outside part of the adrenal gland) produces
cortisol, another hormone, which is injected in the bloodstream. Cortisol produces a "vigilance reaction" in the body.
This is a chronic reaction - a long term state. Blood pressurerises slowly, body tissues retain sodium and other vitalchemicals. High-energy fats and blood-clotting chemicals are
released into the blood stream. Sex hormones are repressed.
Gastric acid production is increased to maximize digestion. Theimmune system is repressed, making one more susceptible to
Both conditions can trigger a heart attack. Excess stomach acid
can cause ulcers, Atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries)and continued high blood pressure can result due to continuedstress. In short, fear, anxiety, overconcern and worry causes
the brain to command the adrenal gland to inject strong
chemicals into the blood stream. These chemicals act as a poison
Emotional stress can cause high blood pressure, toxic goiter,
migraine headaches, arthritis, apoplexy (cardiovascular accidentor stroke), heart trouble, gastrointestinal ulcers, and otherserious diseases too numerous to mention.
Dr. Carl Jung was the first to teach that the cause ofschizophrenia was a toxin injurious to the brain - said toxin
being formed by emotional disturbance, especially anxiety.
In short, worry or anxiety can cause physical and mental illness.
THE WAY BACK
One by one, with the help of God and others, I worked on eachstress agent. A program of walking, diet and medicine is
helping. I recommend two excellent resource books to helpovercome killer stress.
One of the best medical resources for stress management is Dr.
Robert S. Eliot's book, Is It Worth Dying For? How to MakeStress Work for You - Not Against You. Dr. Eliot experienced a
heart attack himself, and now directs the Institute of StressMedicine in Denver and serves as Professor of Cardiology at theUniversity of Nebraska Medical Center.
Another classic book on managing stress and preventing other
illnesses is Dr. S. I. McMillen's book, None of These Diseases.
Now is the time to act! Read and heed these timely books! See
a physician if there are serious symptoms present.
A SHORT MEMORY COURSE!
HOW TO REMEMBER NAMES
You just called the TV repair shop and the voice on the otherend of the line tells you "this is Don Smith". About 5 minuteslater you tell your wife that "this guy" will be out to fix the
TV in the morning. You can't think of his name although youknow he mentioned it on the phone.
This happens all the time to just about any of us unless we havelearned to concentrate and implant the name in our memory rightat the time we hear it. To do this you first must make a habit
of repeating the name back to the person. This action willremind you to store the name in your "Memory banks" each timeyou hear someone's name, and, within a matter of a short time
the "repeating" process can be discontinued.
When you meet someone in person use the same procedure, and inaddition, visualize something different, unusual from theordinary, or "ridiculous" about their appearance, position, or
actions that "ties in" with their name. You may have to put thedescriptive information on one side of a card or piece of paperand the name on the other side for a while until it is imbedded
in your memory permanently. Look at it repeatedly, see the"picture" in your mind's eye as you look at the name, or whenyou see the name visualize the "picture" you have assigned to
Getting this system to work will require certain changes in yourthinking and it may take several days or several weeks to becomeproficient. After all, you have developed a "bad Habit" over a
period of many years and it is difficult to turn it aroundovernight.
This method also works with anything else work remembering, notjust names. When you have occasion to remember something, jotit down and incorporate it into your list . . . No complicated
formula . . . Just a system that works with a littleconcentration.
HOW TO REMEMBER ANYTHING!
As mentioned above a person may train their memory byassociating names with specific illustrations. This works justas well with written information.
There are several key words or a key thought in each paragraph
of printed matter that can be associated with an illogical or
ridiculous illustration. It is much easier to remember andrecall ridiculous associations than it is to recall normal anduneventful relationships.
As you proceed through any text choose one or several Key words
or key thoughts from each subject and relate the same to aridiculous cartoon or illustration. Actually "see" it in yourminds eye as it relates to the key word or key thought.
When you have occasion to remember a particular matter, the"picture" should automatically appear to you and the entire
thought should be recalled. Be sure to SEE the ridiculouspicture associated with the printed matter you wish to recall.
As you proceed through a book, practice seeing a picture andrelate it to the key words or the main thought of the written
material. This method of learning should improve your abilityto retain what you read. With sufficient "practice" using thismethod, many individuals will be able to develop a "photo-Type"
The Key to this memory system is to "see" the "picture" in your
"mind's eye". After you have practiced and mastered the systemand are able to get instant flashback recall you should be ableto read most any text material and visualize ridiculous pictures
to associate with the thoughts expressed in the printedmaterials.
We suggest you prove this system to yourself. As you read thefirst several pages of information, "see" a picture related to
the words or thought. It may be rather difficult to "see" atfirst but by constant effort and concentration amazing progresscan be made. When you have seen the picture, just go on
reading the following subject matter and repeat the process.
Don't be concerned that you will forget the prior subjects!They should remain imprinted on your mind and recalled later,
After you have read several pages, recall the first few
"mind-pictures". If you originally "saw" the picture as relatedto the key thought of the printed material, you should remember
Try it! It's interesting! After you have mastered this
learning system, it should be easy to file various programs awayin your memory and recall them as needed to progress in yoursearch for success.
MEMORY AND PUBLIC SPEAKING TIPS!
The same system mentioned on the previous page may be used tomemorize a speech by linking a series of thoughts to a series ofridiculous pictures in sequence.
Proper preparation of your speech is half the battle. Know you
subject thoroughly then make an outline for the introduction,main body and conclusion. Start your speech with something tostartle your audience into complete attention such as a weird
In presenting the main body of your speech get the confidence of
your audience by letting them know you know your subject verywell. Get your points across without argument.
In making your conclusion you can briefly sum up what you havejust stated then end with a big bang; recommending action your
audience should take or suggesting they change their viewpointon the subject etc.; finalize with a joke that fits thecircumstances, or powerful word pictures they will remember
Make your outline in large print with plenty of space between
lines so you will be able to look up without losing your placeon the sheets. Rely on your memory for the most importantpoints, including the opening and closing lines.
Practice your speech with a tape recorder and in front of amirror before the meeting. Work out any apparent speaking
problems or things that don't sound just right. Know what youare going to do with your hands and determine the better body
movements to go with your personality. Continually make eyecontact back and forth across the room.
Take time to think before answering questions. If you don'thave the answer, ask another question, refer it to someone elsebetter qualified to answer, answer in general terms, or change
the subject (like politicians do) complimenting the personasking the "impossible" question, or by telling a "clean" joke.
NERVOUS HABIT - YOU CAN BREAK IT IN A FEW DAYS
If you have a nervous habit you'd like to break, don't pull yourhair out. You can put an end to fingernail-biting orhair-twisting in a matter of several days - and you can do it on
The following 4-step plan will help you put an end to your
Recognize your bad habit. Increase your awareness of it by
acting it out in front of a mirror. Try to keep track of howmany times during the day you fall into your habit.
Devise a replacement action. If you're a hair-puller, startcarrying a brush and brush your hair each time you get the
pulling or twisting urge. A nail-biter should learn tosubstitute filing his or her nails rather than biting.
Bring your habit out of the closet. Advise your work cohortsand family that you are attempting to break your nervous habit.
Ask them to remind you when they catch you falling into your
Learn to take it easy. Relaxation will help you put an end to a
nervous habit. When you are too keyed up, your nervous habittakes over, so learn to do some deep breathing when you begin to
Your biggest hurdle in overcoming your nervous habit is inrecognizing it. Once you do this and really decide you want tobreak it, you have done the hardest part. Good luck.
HOW AND WHERE TO MEET ELIGIBLE MEN
So you're a woman looking for a man. First off, you have to
"know" what kind of man you're looking for, and then go whereverit is you'll most likely find that kind of man.
What kind of man are you looking for? It's a new world we livein, and believe it or not, you can find whatever kind of man itis you want! If you're looking for a husband, a meal ticket, a
sugar-daddy, a lover, a father, or a companion - there's a manout there for you. The problem is, of course, to find the manthat has enough of "all the things you want in a man" to satisfy
There are lots of eligible men available, and with just a little
bit of intelligence, there's no honest reason why any womanwanting a man cannot find the man of her choice. The thing is,
as mentioned already - you've got to know what kind of man youwant, and where you'll most likely find him - and then, reachfor him.
Men are just like women - they want a woman they can belong to,and call their own. People have to interact with other people in
order to maintain a healthy equilibrium; and men have tointeract with women on a personal basis in order to go onliving. These are undeniable facts relative to the nature of
Most men have the same kind of shyness, inhibitions, and fearsof rejection that women have - the only difference being thatthe male of our species has been trying to cope with these
feelings in regards to meeting women, a lot longer than womenhave in regard to meeting men. But it's a new world - there's alot more women out looking for men - and a lot of men seem to be
caught up in their own problems, and unaware of the eligiblewomen around that might like to become acquainted with them.
Thus, it's now necessary for a woman to make the first move when
she spots a man that interests her and he doesn't make thatfirst move.
What we're saying is simply this: Nowadays, whenever andwherever you spot a man that you'd like to get to know, and for
whatever reasons, he doesn't seem to notice you, for sure, youshould make that first move towards becoming acquainted. Sayyou're at a dance and you spot a man that interests you, by all
means don't be hesitant to walk over and ask him if he'd like todance with you. Or should you be having coffee somewhere and youspot a special man, simply tell him that you don't like being
alone and would he like to join you.
Really, there's honestly nothing out-of-line or brazen about
spotting a man that interests you, walking up to him, and
telling him you find him appealing enough that you'd like tofind out more about him. Most men will be flattered by yourattentions, and if they are the kind of man you "sized" them up
to be, they'll appreciate your breaking the ice for them. Oneother thing to understand - women are almost always "looking
for" men while most men are where they are, doing what they aredoing, for any one of a million different reasons.
In essence, you meet eligible men by frequenting the placesyou're most-likely to find the kind of man you want to meet. Youhave to make yourself available. Then too, if you spot a man you
think might be one that you'd like to get to know better and hedoesn't make the first move towards the two of you becomingacquainted, you should make that first move.
It's as simple as that. In most instances, the same fear and
shyness - maybe even embarrassment - you're feeling, is hauntingthe man, and unless one of you makes that first move, anotheropportunity will have slipped through your fingers. Don't be
afraid to walk right up to a man and tell him: You look asthough you're all alone - do you want to talk for a minute ortwo.
We know of some women looking for men, perhaps because of aninability to just walk up to a man and start talking or maybe
just because they have a flair for innovative approaches to theidea, have had business cards printed up, and hand them out tothe men they see that look interesting to them. The wording on
the one that most appealed to us was as follows: Hello there.
Please forgive my intrusion, but you strike me as someone I
should know. My name is Mary Anderson, and if you've got a spareminute or two, you might give me a call at 123-4567.
You've got to have it firmly in your mind, the kind of man youwant to meet. Then you've got to make yourself available in thekind of places that kind of man is most-likely to frequent.
Most assuredly, when you search for such a man, you should look,dress, and act according to what you feel will most appeal to
that type of man. All men notice a woman who looks good, so youshould do whatever is necessary to bring out your best features
- a little make-up in the right places, a new hairstyle, a fewfigure-flattering clothes - and the kind of conduct that youfeel will appeal to your kind of man.
Now then, the easiest and surest way of meeting eligible men isthrough the social activities of your local "singles" club such
as Parents Without Partners, Singles International, andServetus. Most such groups sponsor regular dances, dinnerparties, rap sessions, and any number of other activities
designed to bring divorced and/or single people together.
Lonely Hearts Correspondence Clubs are okay, but then. meeting
someone via correspondence, and learning to love them as resultof what they write in their letters to you, is sometimesdisappointing and a hard situation to get out of when you
Most of the Date-A-Mate services are okay, particularly thosethat employ video tape interviews, but the prices you pay fortheir introductions are beyond reason. Generally, the success
rate of these services - that of matching you with a man thatyou end marrying, and staying married to him - is less than10-percent. Some of them are just glorified "dating or escort"
Attending church in search of an eligible man sometimes works
out, especially if the church sponsors dances, parties and groupoutings. However, there's not as many eligible men going to
church in search of eligible women these days as there used tobe.
If you have an outgoing personality and enjoy the whole scene,you can generally find lots of eligible men in the bars andtaverns. The thing is, you have to "find" the bars or taverns
that are frequented by the age group and kind of men that meetyour needs.
You'll find a lot of "more financially secure" men in the better"motor inn" and hotel bars. About all you have to do is drop byand join in all the action when there's a convention or
gathering of people from out of town in one of these places.
It's then that you'll find many of the "local eligibles" out on
the town, plus of course a lot of men from out of town who arelooking for women. In this kind of situation, most of the manwill make the first move and once you become acquainted, they
won't be in any big hurry to make any real commitments.
To find the action - where there's sure to be lots of eligible
men - look in your local newspaper. Look for advertisementsannouncing square dances, neighborhood picnics, travel tours,and of course, festivals or similar special events. When you go
to one of these activities, you've got to mingle with the peoplethere, keep your eyes open for a man that may be the one you're
looking for, and then - do your thing to become acquainted withhim. Once you spot a man you'd like to become acquainted with,it's basically all up to you whether you do or don't.
Another one of the surest places of meeting eligible men is inthe evening classes at your local colleges. If you're not
familiar with their services, just give the college office acall and ask them to put you on their mailing list for bulletinsand notices of up-coming classes being offered.
Most colleges are now offering any number of seminars, classes
and even short courses designed to help people rebuilding their
lives after a divorce. These classes are always well-attended,and those that attend are eligible. One of the best ways ofmeeting new friends while improving yourself.
Finally, and by all means, enlist the help of your friend and
co-workers in helping you to meet new men. Tell them you'll behappy to come to their parties if they'll invite some of theeligible men they or their friends know. And then, you should
have few parties, invite your friends and ask them to bringalong or invite some of their unattached male friends.
Work is generally an easy place to become acquainted witheligible men, but there are any number of risks involved - suchas those that are already married. The important thing is to
make your self available - know what kind of man you want - andthen do what is necessary to meet him.
HOW AND WHERE TO MEET ELIGIBLE WOMEN
A lot of guys will undoubtedly dispute this, but really - there
are more eligible women running around loose today than thereare men! In fact, all you've got to do to prove it to yourselfis to take a look at the latest census figures relative to the
number of men versus women in this country.
We're talking about unmarried women between the ages of 18 and
60. Believe it! There are more women than men available! Inother words, there's at least one woman for every man that'slooking for a woman.
It's a part of human nature for people to want to belong tosomeone of the opposite sex, and to have someone of the opposite
sex they even think of as belonging to them. The humanequilibrium cannot operate for long without inner-action with
other people, and for total health/adjustment in the world welive in, not without inner-action with someone of the oppositesex.
Perhaps because of the "women's liberation movement", the recentrecessions and high unemployment problems, the way the current
generation was brought up expecting everything all at once, theincreasing dependence upon drugs to give us pep or sooth ournerves, and at least a dozen other reasons - the number of women
ending their marriages with divorce are out of hand. Indeed,the latest figures on the number of divorces filed within the
past six months show that one out of every two marriages arefalling apart!
This is putting a lot of women in the marketplace, all of themlooking for men. They may claim that they "hate" men and thatthey don't care if they ever see, talk to, or associate with men
again - but that's all "madness" relative to their divorces. Atthe bottom line, every woman that has ever walked the face ofthis old earth has or does want a man to call her own!
So, if you're a man and you're out looking for a woman. - One of
the first things you should get straight in your own mind iswhat do you want a woman for, how long do you want her, and fromthere, what kind of woman will it take to satisfy your needs
Your needs will vary with your moods, your financial situation,and your own lifestyle or mental adjustment to the world aroundyou.
Thus, when you meet an eligible woman that you think can satisfyyour needs, it would behoove you first to do a little bit
"analytical reading" pertaining to her needs for a man. The moreyou can "find out" what she's looking for, and satisfy herneeds, the easier it'll be for you to pick one that can satisfy
In other words, if she's on a "heavy duty trip" into women'slib, and you want someone to move in with you to wash the dishes
and make your bed, you're liable to be wasting your time evenattempting to talk to this woman. On the other hand, if she's
just recovering from a divorce and seems to be trying to proveto the world that she's the sexiest and best lover to come downthe pike in a month of Sundays, and you're out looking for a one
night stand, then this is probably the woman you should betrying to pick up on.
Docteur Monique CLOUZEAU B.P. 6 bis Antananarivo 101 Tel : 22 403 66 ou 0320710363 E-mail : j;firstname.lastname@example.org BILAN SANITAIRE GLOBAL DE LA PRISON DE MAHAJANGA EN VUE D'AMELIORER LA QUALITE DE VIE EN DETENTION Mission et rapport effectués pour le Projet Santé de base GTZ de Mahajanga, par le Docteur Monique CLOUZEAU, novembre 1999. Je tiens à remercier - Monsieur le D
ACERVOS DO JUDICIÁRIO TRABALHISTA: LUTAS PELA PRESERVAÇÃO E POSSIBILIDADES DE PESQUISA1 Em 1946, o mineiro Alberto Tavares compareceu à Junta de Conciliação e Julgamento de São Jerônimo (RS), sendo atendido pelo Diretor de Secretaria que lavrou seu Termo de Reclamação. Disse ter sido despedido sem justa causa, pedindo então o pagamento de aviso-prévio e juntando documentos